What!

I asked India what she wanted for Christmas.

India: "Another costume."

Me: "What kind of costume?"

India: "A Hannah Tanna dress costume."

Me: "A WHAT? Where did you learn about Hannah Montana? Which of your friends has a Hannah Montana costume?"

India: "Not Tristan. Him don't wear dresses. He not a GIRL!" (lots of giggles)

Now fess up. Who taught India about Hannah Montana?

Soccer & Preschool

Ammon got an amazing BARGAIN on Real soccer tickets to 3 games! Thanks Dad and Mom - awesome birthday present to Ammon. We cuddled and cheered sans kids on the 3rd and 4th row. I liked going to the Real vs. Chivas game better because I didn't understand all the Spanish swear words. The referee-ing was TERRIBLE, which meant about 6 fights, 10 yellows, and 2 or 3 reds. No exaggeration. People were going nuts.

Every time India sees the Real mascot she remembers, "I shake him hand!" It's been a highlight of her life ever since.

I survived my rotation of preschool teaching. And it has been so much fun! I haven't asked the other mommies if I could put pictures of their kids on the blog, but believe me, they are super duper cute too. (And so far better behaved than India).

Pirate Jack finishing off a pumkin sugar cookie in Ammon's Sunday shirt. Arrgh!

India and Jack AFTER preschool (after a sugar cookie . . . with lots of frosting . . . and a treat from the skeleton's belly) showing off the 5 senses song.

Brag Brag Brag

I gave my old boring yellow clock a makeover, and I love the results! The new background is a piece of taped-on scrapbook paper, old-school keys from a craft store, and some of my index finger skin (from gluegun burns). Hooray for did-it-myself projects!

Catching Tigers in Red Weather

As an English teacher, I'm often asked what my favorite book is. I sometimes tell people I have many. That is true. Equally as often, I make something up. You know -- just for fun. Really, what difference does it make? Are they any more likely to actually think that because I like the book, they should go read it? If my theory holds, they are no less likely to look for and become disappointed trying to find a book that I made up. Give it a shot. Next time a person asks you what your favorite book say something like "I just read Next October by Emmanuel Gildtren . It is amazing and hauntingly familiar." I am willing to wager that not one person will ever come back two days later and say "You shamblanker. I searched everywhere including the interweb, and that is categorically a farce of a book." First, they won't say that because shamblanker isn't a word -- yet. Second, they didn't really want a book recommendation to begin with. Third, when you say something like "hauntingly familiar" people get intimidated even though it doesn't mean anything. Neat trick huh?

Okay so you don't think I'm a complete shamblanker, I'll share a poem instead. It's much easier to share a poem -- smaller package, less shipping and handling, and easier to copy and paste.

This poem contains one of my favorite images from all poetry. (Okay you caught me. I haven't actually read all of poetry.)

Disillusionment of Ten O'clock

by Wallace Stevens

   The houses are haunted
   By white night-gowns.
   None are green,
   Or purple with green rings,
   Or green with yellow rings,
   Or yellow with blue rings.
   None of them are strange,
   With socks of lace
   And beaded ceintures.
   People are not going
   To dream of baboons and periwinkles.
   Only, here and there, an old sailor,
   Drunk and asleep in his boots,
   Catches tigers
   In red weather.

I like to re-read this poem whenever I feel like I'm stuck -- in life that is.  I suppose if I was stuck in the snow or mud, it wouldn't really console me very much.  My favorite is the last image of the sailor catching tigers in red weather.  I haven't figured out exactly what red weather is yet, but it sounds awesome.

I guess what I like the most is the idea that living the kind of life that I often find myself living is safe, but ultimately that safety is paradoxically haunting -- perhaps even because of its familiarity.  Though the sailor is drunk and asleep in his boots, he's doing something.  When did life get so monotonous that Friday night excitement is falling asleep by Ten O'clock? Don't get me wrong, I like sleep plenty.  And no, I'm not going to join the navy to become a drunk sailor. I just wonder if it is possible to reconcile the two seemingly opposite lives. Is it at all within the realm of the possible to have red weather and safety?

I hope so.  

The Label Doesn't Fit The Reality

I am expriencing a strange change today. I didn't have soccer practice this afternoon for the first time since the beginning of August and am accordingly left with a little extra time. So here I sit with no excuses remaining. Actually, I've wanted to write for a little while, but have been too busy or tired when not busy. Now that I'm neither of those, I have something on my mind that I'd like to air. I'm uneasy with the knowledge that this post may raise some pertinent questions without answering any. On the other hand, I don't think that is necessarily bad. I think that too often we are afraid of questions. We shouldn't be. That's what I try to teach my students, yet too often I miss that lesson in my own life. I too often have an answer and seek to make my life conform to that answer. That is backwards.

So what am I talking about? I know that often I'm too obtuse, but I think that this time it's appropriate to be so. I don't feel like sermonizing in this post, and I'm afraid that this topic lends itself to that. I've had a few people in mind lately, and don't want to offend by discussing the topic directly. I hope the point isn't lost in the abstract.

This week I've had a couple experiences I'd like to share in benefit of specific friends in precarious situations. I want to share two experiences. It's funny how when I have a problem life teaches me the answer -- if I listen carefully. Too often though I'm so attached to the now that I am not paying attention to the lessons around me.

First Lesson.

Obfuscation:

I have a student who struggles with everything -- literally. She is a very bright, capable, and driven student who had this week somewhat of an identity crisis. She found out that the political party she grew up thinking that she believed in isn't what she thought it was. She took an objective political test and in her mind completely failed. I tried to explain that it isn't possible to fail that type of test. That it just asks what you believe. That there are no wrong answers. That both ends of the political spectrum contribute to society. She was devastated to learn that the label she hoped for wasn't the label she got when she put in her beliefs on topics. That's right, she sided with the "wrong" political party. I thought I was about to witness a true existential meltdown. Two good things came from that. First, she had to break down the two seemingly opposite labels and find out what each label actually means. I don't think she's completely finished. This type of thing takes a while. Second, she had lengthy discussions with her parents about topics they have never discussed before.

Elucidation:

Breaking down labels is positive. We too often define ourselves by these essentially meaningless labels. We also tend to define and assign value to these labels in binary. Think of a term like mother -- a label that we are familiar with. It's a good example to illustrate a point. There are so many ways to define that word. So many different mothers. We could say that it is feminine of father, but that too is abstract and only muddies the water. An honest person would say that there isn't only one way to define that word. Isn't that exactly what we do though? In a self defeating way. We set up an ideal around that word. Hold it up on a pedestal and worship it with holidays and songs. We say that if you are a woman, the ultimate good is to be a mother. We then further define that label by saying that a mother has to become so naturally and in her youth.

Setting up this type of label and letting our mind continue to assign value by binary is potentially destructive in its consequences. If for a woman "Mother" is the ultimate good, being woman and not mother is the ultimate bad. Instead, why can't there be many good ways to become mother in all its many conceptions? And woman for that matter? That way, when life and nature get in the way, as they do, a woman who for no choice of her own or by her own choice doesn't make herself evil for not having a particular label.

When the situation in our life doesn't have the label we want, is our life less meaningful? Perhaps only by our own definition -- because in the end we created what that label means.

Second Lesson -- One From the Little Ones

Obfuscation:

India came to me today with a sincere request. There was nothing wrong with her request. She wasn't asking for anything that would hurt anyone else. It just happened that I couldn't do what she wanted me to do. She came to me and said that her doll's dress had broken and asked me to fix it. I actually felt a little bad. I tried to figure out a way that I could make her request work, but it just wasn't possible. It's not that I wanted her to suffer. I just could not do it. She cried because I, in her understanding, just wasn't helping her. She told me that I could fix it and said please in the most sincere way. She had complete faith that I could fix it if I wanted to. I had to let her know in final terms that it wasn't possible. After a couple of minutes, she came back with another dress for her doll that suited her needs just fine and she wasn't sad about the first dress anymore.

Elucidation:

Sometimes things don't go my way. Once again, the label for my life that I chose doesn't work. I try to figure out a way to make it happen. I just can't understand why such a worthy goal and desire is left unrewarded. I've thought of everything. Letting me have this wouldn't hurt anyone. Everyone else I know has the thing that I want. Why can't I have it too? In the end after all of the bargaining, and deal making, and praying, and swearing, and deciding there isn't a God who listens, I come to find that I just might not get what I really want. There may be a reason that I just am not aware of yet. I struggle to understand that there are limitations to what even God can do. I don't know all of the reasons. I don't understand the laws. I have to make another plan and continue to make plans until I get the right one for me. Perhaps that God who is limited also has anxiety for me. ( I really did want to fix that dress) I guess the wrong question to ask would be "how can I continue to have faith and hope?" Isn't that exactly what faith and hope require -- not getting what we want and trusting that we'll get what is right instead?

Erin often teaches me that I don't have to know the words to any song in order to sing all of them. If I don't know the words, I think it is wrong to let that lack of knowledge keep me from singing.

I hope that all makes some kind of sense.